Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Assignment #6 What Does "Being In Love" Mean
Due Tuesday, November 30. Kiara, Christina, Tiffani, Ryan and Jen, please a provide a brief oral overview of your thoughts, expanding on what you have indicated in your post on this article. Focus on one part of his views that you found the most challenging or illuminating.
Love and Commitment
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, pp. 97-99
The idea that "being in love" is the only reason for remaining married really leaves no room for marriage as a contract or promise at all. If love is the whole thing, then the promise can add nothing; and if it adds nothing, then it should not be made. The curious thing is that lovers themselves, while they remain really in love, know this better than those who talk about love. As Chesterton pointed out, those who are in love have a natural inclination to bind themselves by promises. Love songs all over the world are full of vows of eternal constancy. [This] law is not forcing upon the passion of love something which is foreign to that passion's own nature; it is demanding that lovers should take seriously something which their passion of itself impels them to do.
And, of course, the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits one to being true even if I cease to be in love (emphasis added). A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way (emphasis added).
Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called "being in love" usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending "They lived happily ever after" is taken to mean "They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married," then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?
But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense--love as distinct from "being in love"--is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be "in love" with someone else.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Recommended Reading: She Talks A Lot, He Listens
Interesting article by Elizabeth Bernstein of WSJ on differences in communication style between talkers and non-talkers.
She Talks A Lot, He Listens
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| Graphic by Russ Green, WSJ |
Monday, November 15, 2010
Recommended Reading: Non-Verbal Communication by "Limbic Resonance"
Limbic Resonance
Our capacity to emotionally bond with another is mediated through a phenomenon known to physiologists and behaviorists as “limbic resonance.” Limbic resonance is the tuning in to another’s internal state; it is the most reliable way a mammal can know the emotional state of another without the necessity of translation (facial expressions, language). Limbic resonance occurs in all mammals, but is absent in reptiles, fish, and most birds. It occurs through eye contact, and the sensations multiply through mutual recognition and the continual back and forth feedback. Two nervous systems for an instant become in sync. Limbic resonance is the foundation of the “love at first sight” phenomenon, combined with other factors such as programmed attractors described below. Limbic resonance is responsible for that tickle in the pit of your stomach when you look into the eyes of someone you adore. When you feel that tickle, so does the other, and the feeling propagates and augments the growing attraction, building the affectionate attachment.
Because feelings can “leap from mind to mind” so to speak, the absence of such feedback is disturbing—as in meeting someone you instantly dislike, and can’t put your finger on why. Many have lost their ability to fully emotionally resonate with another—becoming insensitive, even cold towards others in favor of reason and logic. People know when they are liked, when others feel comfortable around them. Likewise, a negative internal response from another may be reflected back to them in ways we cannot fully understand, and the feelings of discomfort, of dislike, amplify. It is difficult to befriend or even like someone who cannot resonate with you.
The limbic activity of others around us allows us to achieve almost immediate congruence—it can be felt in a movie theater, or as a surge of emotion as panic propagates through a crowd. The ability to read another’s emotional state is older than our own species, yet we distrust it, devalue the sheer joy of being alone with another for the pure experience of his or her inner state, and further isolate ourselves. This is society’s legacy of alienation and loneliness, and we suffer immeasurably for it.
The inner state of others must matter to us. It is essential to our survival and to our individual health more than most of us are aware."
source: http://www.cyberlepsy.com/love.htm
Our capacity to emotionally bond with another is mediated through a phenomenon known to physiologists and behaviorists as “limbic resonance.” Limbic resonance is the tuning in to another’s internal state; it is the most reliable way a mammal can know the emotional state of another without the necessity of translation (facial expressions, language). Limbic resonance occurs in all mammals, but is absent in reptiles, fish, and most birds. It occurs through eye contact, and the sensations multiply through mutual recognition and the continual back and forth feedback. Two nervous systems for an instant become in sync. Limbic resonance is the foundation of the “love at first sight” phenomenon, combined with other factors such as programmed attractors described below. Limbic resonance is responsible for that tickle in the pit of your stomach when you look into the eyes of someone you adore. When you feel that tickle, so does the other, and the feeling propagates and augments the growing attraction, building the affectionate attachment.
Because feelings can “leap from mind to mind” so to speak, the absence of such feedback is disturbing—as in meeting someone you instantly dislike, and can’t put your finger on why. Many have lost their ability to fully emotionally resonate with another—becoming insensitive, even cold towards others in favor of reason and logic. People know when they are liked, when others feel comfortable around them. Likewise, a negative internal response from another may be reflected back to them in ways we cannot fully understand, and the feelings of discomfort, of dislike, amplify. It is difficult to befriend or even like someone who cannot resonate with you.
The limbic activity of others around us allows us to achieve almost immediate congruence—it can be felt in a movie theater, or as a surge of emotion as panic propagates through a crowd. The ability to read another’s emotional state is older than our own species, yet we distrust it, devalue the sheer joy of being alone with another for the pure experience of his or her inner state, and further isolate ourselves. This is society’s legacy of alienation and loneliness, and we suffer immeasurably for it.
The inner state of others must matter to us. It is essential to our survival and to our individual health more than most of us are aware."
source: http://www.cyberlepsy.com/love.htm
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Assignment #5 Body Language
Watch this brief video by Tonya Reiman on body language, a form of non-verbal communication. What do you think? Is she right on....or full of baloney? In the next couple of days, be conscious of your own body language. Then, pick some examples of how you consciously or unconsciously might have used body language to express an emotion you felt, and jot them down. Or, if you feel your body movements and related non-verbal actions have no relationship to your emotions, note that as well.
This assignment will be due Thursday, November18.
Ashley, Cordell, Joe, John, and Rosanne, please prepare some oral remarks for Thursday on this assignment, some examples from your own experiences, and other thoughts you may find thought provoking. Thanks!
PS: Here's a brief critique of Reiman 's observations
(Her degree is from Pace Iniversity in "General Studies", so we're not talking about the words of a trained psychologist here)
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