Due Tuesday, November 30. Kiara, Christina, Tiffani, Ryan and Jen, please a provide a brief oral overview of your thoughts, expanding on what you have indicated in your post on this article. Focus on one part of his views that you found the most challenging or illuminating.
Love and Commitment
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, pp. 97-99
The idea that "being in love" is the only reason for remaining married really leaves no room for marriage as a contract or promise at all. If love is the whole thing, then the promise can add nothing; and if it adds nothing, then it should not be made. The curious thing is that lovers themselves, while they remain really in love, know this better than those who talk about love. As Chesterton pointed out, those who are in love have a natural inclination to bind themselves by promises. Love songs all over the world are full of vows of eternal constancy. [This] law is not forcing upon the passion of love something which is foreign to that passion's own nature; it is demanding that lovers should take seriously something which their passion of itself impels them to do.
And, of course, the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits one to being true even if I cease to be in love (emphasis added). A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way (emphasis added).
Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called "being in love" usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending "They lived happily ever after" is taken to mean "They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married," then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?
But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense--love as distinct from "being in love"--is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be "in love" with someone else.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise
After reading this article, i would have to stay that i agree with majority of he had said. But there was a few statements I don't know if i agreed on. At the beginning he says the only reason why people are married is because there in love and their is stuff below and higher than that. I don't think that is completely true. It also takes time to fall in love and to even consider getting married. When getting married, i believe that this should be taken seriously and thought out your vows. And feelings are feelings but if your in love, I don't think you will ever forget that feeling. Yea you may fall in love with somebody ele but i think you will always have that love for the other person.
ReplyDeleteRosanne Pierce
ReplyDeleteHuman Relations
Assignment #6
When I first began reading this article it left me with the feeling that the author did not have a lot of belief in love or the power of love. But the last two paragraphs somewhat redeemed him. I would have expected that C. S. Lewis, being a Christian Theologian, would have had only positive, glowing, and inspirational writings about love. But perhaps that is just a reflection off of my rose colored glasses!
The part of the article that I did not like was his negative outlook on the longevity of being in love. As I read the parts of the article that stated that, perhaps falling out of love but staying together because of a ‘promise’, or not feeling the same way fifty years later that you felt on your wedding day, I began to have a feeling that perhaps he had a negative slant on the emotion of love altogether. I thought of what our text book says about companionate love.
That is when the author redeemed himself. He indicated, and I agree that love ‘evolves’ like most other stages and areas of life. It is something you have to work on to keep it alive. He indicates that it is a state of grace from God, a precious gift. He also indicates that love is not just a feeling but a true bond of unity.
I obviously am a believer in the power of love! There are different kinds of love for different people and situations in your life. I believe that the greatest commandment (it is a command - just not a suggestion) is to Love each other.
By reading this I have come to realize that if you're really in love when you get married then you do not need to make a promise that you'll never leave to each other. Cause if the love is true then you should already know that you'll stay together anyways. What I do not agree with the author on is when he talks about how being in love does not last a lifetime. I believe otherwise. There are many different types of love out there and it all depends on the person you are. Different people love in different ways. Being in love can last a lifetime. If it's true love then it'll last. Another thing I don't agree with is when the author talks about how people don't want to be that happy for the next 5 years or longer. I think it would only make the person focus better on work cause they would be so happy and they would sleep better knowing things are good. And good relationships keep close friends anyways. So I do believe that people can be in love for the rest of their lives!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the article in that "being in love" is not and cannot be the reason for maintaining a long and healthy marriage. Going by the definition of "being in love" presented above. The grounds for my reasoning was represented in the statement "You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all." of the article. Though I think this article undermines the capacity for an individual to feel the same over prolonged periods of time. I can only go by my own recollections and agree that prolonged feelings of bliss,love, and interest for another or thing is just an emotion brought about by causation that is subjective to personal inferences. I don't put it past anyone if true to have indeed experience of such prolonged feelings of "Being in love". Love for another can have intrinsic and dependent value on humans depending the conditions
ReplyDeleteCheck out my latest post on love by Helen Fisher for more insight on this complex topic!
ReplyDeleteKyle Steiner Jr.
ReplyDeleteHuman Relations
29 November 2010
When I first saw that this article was by C.S. Lewis I was extremely excited to read it because I am a big fan of Lewis and his works. I had to study him last year for my Honors Religion class and really respected his thoughts and beliefs. When I first started reading this article I disagreed with a lot of what he had to say. I felt that he did not believe in love because he kept saying being in love is only temporary and does not last. I do not agree with this at all and I believe a couple can stay in love for a lifetime. I know many couples and married couples who are extremely happy with each other and are in love. I agree that relationships are tough and you have to work extremely hard but one can love a person even when they are upset and mad. No couple is going to be happy twenty-four seven and there are going to be ups and downs, but the love for each other is what helps couples get through rough times. At the end of this article, C.S. Lewis did talk about how someone can love another person and that it is a gift from God. I believe in love and being in love with someone, and I believe it can last a lifetime!
When i read this article I did agree with somethings, like that being in love is a feeling, and that feelings can change from good to bad or bad to good. However, if you are in love then that is a feeling that I believe is strong enough to last. I disagree that C.S. Lewis thinks that being in love cannot last. I think that love can last a lifetime if it is true love that the two have for eachother. I also disagree that he thinks that there are things above love because in my opinion, there is no greater thing than love.
ReplyDeleteStacy Heatherington
Ashley Lonczak
ReplyDeleteAssignment #6
29 November 2010
The fairy-tale ending of “they lived happily ever after” brought me some insight on the whole idea of being “in love” and loving someone. The author had a good point that this quote could never be true, and if it were to be it would be highly undesirable to live such a way. This made his point clear as well as bring to my own eyes that not every day spent with the one you love will feel like the day you go married. There are ups and downs in relationships and like he mentioned, emotions change daily.
I agree with a lot of who the author has to say. Being “in love” and loving somebody are two very different things. The stage of being “in love” with somebody will eventually fade just as emotions tend to do. But, the stage of loving someone is more than an emotion; therefore it is less likely to fade away. The author hits on the idea that both being “in love” and loving someone are both essential to a lasting relationship and I agree with that statement. I feel you must be giddy and “in love” with somebody first in order to eventually love them.
I would have to disagree with his statement that “the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits one to being true even if I cease to be in love.” I feel that in today’s world if people are not in love, even when they made the commitment to be married, they have the choice to remove themselves from the relationship. Love is a challenging subject and is hard to truly tell what makes marriages work and for love to exist in people. Everyone will always have their own views on it and those views may change every day. But overall, I believe that the author did a valuable job at explaining that you much love somebody and be “in love” in order to be successful in love.
I wasn't a huge fan of this article. I think that love can last forever, but it just takes different shapes throughout the years. In the beginning of a marriage, a new couple has that deep romance and share very intimate moments. But as time goes on, that couple starts to take on new responsibilities such as parenting and even grand-parenting. This allows for different aspects of a married couples life to strengthen. It allows for the social aspects of a relationship to strengthen instead of the physical part. The physical aspect is still very special, but to grow old with someone else, there is a need for more social connection...the physical aspect just follows right along. Sex in a relationship is the happy ending, the dessert, the part of the relationship that falls right into place. However, the part that matters the most is the social connection. I believe that is why it is so important to save sex for marriage.
ReplyDeleteEvan
Dennis Gearhart
ReplyDeleteAssignment #6
According C.S. Lewis we cannot stay in love as we are when we first get married. I have to agree with him. We cannot maintain the intensity of being in love forever. We simply would not be able to function. Being in love forever is truly a fairytale. However, this ”feeling” as Lewis calls it, grows into a unity that transcends being in love. This love is built on trust and is held together by the grace God bestows on us. It is hard to describe but my wife and I love each other even during arguments or times when we are not speaking to one another. It is a feeling that you complete each other and life without the other is hard to imagine. It is the reason, I believe, that so often you hear of a husband or wife dying and shortly thereafter the mate dies. It is difficult for me to imagine life without my wife. We have certainly grown from being in love to having a love that transcends everything.
Christina Robison
ReplyDeleteAssignment #6
11-29-10
I think that when you marry some one I think it is because you love them. I think that some people may fall out of love with a person, but will do nothing about it because they love that person to much to hurt them. I know that sounds weird but I think that it could be true. I think the feeling of being love never goes away. I think that it may not be present at all times but it is still there. For example, if you are mad at some one you still love them, but maybe not right at that time. So I would have to disagree when he says ““being in love” usually does not last.”
Cordell Midgett-Crosby
ReplyDeleteSome insight that I gained from this article is that a promise must be things one can do, that no one can promise to go feeling a certain one. The author said some things that I agreed with and some I disagreed with. I strongly disagreed with what the author said when he said people don't want to be happy for the next 5yrs, this only seems to relate to those who put aside love and close relationship for success in the work place.
Whem the author states that if love is the whole thing a promise means nothing I agree with this to a certain extent because love to others might mean fulfill each other promise and wishes as well as love each other.
This is my insight and views of what I agreed and disagreed with after reading this article.
I learned from this article that no one can promise to be in love with someone. It doesn't work like that. It's the actions that one does to show their love rather than what they say. I didn't agree with most of what the author said though at the beginning of the article. I do believe that love can last forever and that being in love with someone can also last forever. Sure the couple might not show it every day that they are in love, but in times of crisis and at the end of the day they love each other. I'm not saying that's how all couples are though because many marriages are ended through divorce. I just believe that you can be in love with someone forever. Couples have to make more of an effort showing that they are in love sometimes though. Being in love with someone is a two way street where both people have to work together in maintaining this feeling. I also believe that love is the strongest feeling in the world. There is nothing better than the feeling of love towards someone.
ReplyDeleteI only agree with certain parts of this article but only some points seem to make me want to really disagree with them. Relationships take lots of time to build up a great connection between the two people and this connection cannot be made when the two first meet. This is a very special bond that enables couple to be together forever and indefinitely stay in love. I really strongly disagreed with what the author said when he said people don't want to be happy for the next 5 years. This only seems to relate to those people who put aside love and close relationship for success while in the work place. Sex can make or break a relationship when it is still early in the relationship, this is why I think it is best to wait off at least a few months so that each person can get to know their partner as well as possible before taking that huge step.
ReplyDeleteAndrew Baxter
ReplyDeleteAssignment #6
I disagree with the thought that no one can be in love with someone and make the promise of always being in love. I believe someone can be in love forever with someone and have the "happily ever after" ending. I think the love that people have for one another will last, however it will change forms. The excitement phase at the beginning of a relationship I agree will not last the entire relationship. Instead it will turn into happiness and the feeling of unity over the years you are with the other. One of the few things I do agree with from this article is that love is not only a feeling, but also a deep unity. If someone is truly in love they feel the feeling of being "whole" when with the other
Deanna Lees
ReplyDeleteSome aspects of this artice are one's I can agree with, however there are many I cannot. I find it to hold true that no, "love" should not be the only focal point to maintaining a reationship, or the feeling of beeing "in love" should not be the obly reason to stick together. After many years, there are things couples can look towards to better their relationship, such as having children, taking a vacation, or even seeing a therapist. Cahanging aspects of a marriage can prove to be helpful to a couple, hover on the contrary, things such as children can also hinder further devlopment of a stronger relationship. For example, a couple that has never truly been "in love" and having a child may only lead to even more frustration in that neither of them have an easy out to the relationship. Also, with this, a couple in the same situation may find that they both enjoy caring for the child, thus making their relationship stronger.
Shovonna Hills
ReplyDeleteAssignment #6
On the views of C.S. Lewis I disagree with the statement about that love don’t last. He characterizes love as being a mistake and will not turn out to be happy ending .May is in some cases but not all. Love is the strong and emotional attachment to a person. A couple may be together for a long time and seem to argue a lot or have put up with each fault. That’s true love because you have to go through some things to learned each other and still be able to manage to work through different situation. There are couples that been together for quite a while and have to split up because they can’t adjust to each other anymore. Both may be changing or maybe one of them, so they go to someone else to fill their need. This happen because they don’t want to try to work their problems out. True love is battle to see how you can overcome and may have injuries through it. It’s a learning experience which a couple May intake more identity about one another.